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I Wish I Were In Love Again
May. 12th, 2011 08:05 pmNo more pain
no more strain
now I'm sane but ...
I would rather be gaga...
People keep saying how adorable Eleven is. I wish I could see it, but I just don't. He doesn't do a thing for me. The only time I ever really liked him was in The Big Bang when he was saying goodbye to little Amy. I don't know it it's the writing, or what - I think it's just MS doesn't appeal to me.
I have tried very hard not to be a Tennant fangirl (I'm 52 for heaven's sake!). I know that time is over and nothing will bring it back, but for the last week or two I have been missing him as the Doctor quite overwhelmingly. Although I think he's very talented and I do enjoy seeing him in other things, I think it's Ten rather than DT himself that fascinates me. My fanfiction career was entirely focussed on him - I just seemed to get him without really trying and never found it any effort to write from his POV, even though I've often heard other writers, professional and amateur, claim that you can never get inside the Doctor's head. Get inside? I climbed in and made myself at home there for four years.
It wasn't always a pleasant sensation. After some episodes - FoB and JE in particular, I was so emotionally drained I felt like taking to my bed for days on end. I was very embarrassed by this and it made my family rather fed up with me but I seemed to be incapable of controlling it at the time. I expected it to be a relief not to be so emotionally involved with DW and I can't imagine ever feeling the same about any other show. I'm probably a better person now that I'm not. And yet I miss it terribly. It's very like recalling a love affair that completely messed with your head.
In fact, I've come to the conclusion that what's really happened is that I've returned to the status quo pre 2005 where DW was concerned - I wasn't that bothered about it. (I say 2005 because I get on board about halfway through CE's tenure, and funnily enough I thought I wasn't going to like Ten for a while). But when I first saw The Satan Pit I cried - the bit where he said "I believe in her!" and later when they were reunited in the TARDIS. I didn't even like Rose all that much, but I loved her for making the Doctor so happy. And when Donna showed up, I loved her even more.
I think a lot of my fic was meta in disguise. It was a way of saying, "What if they'd done it that way?" Or sometimes just little sketches broadening out a character. I've never felt the slightest desire to write anything on Eleven, Amy and Rory - there's just nothing that snags at me, catches my interest. And as for 10.5 and Rose, it's very nice to think they're out there somewhere, but it's like an old school friend who moved away, and you said you'd stay in touch but you didn't really, and they grow a little smaller with every passing year.
Yeah, I know everything has its time and everything dies. I've given the new team a fair chance - 17 episodes including the Xmas Special, and it's still a fun show to watch with my kids and their friends, and I love the meta on it, but I feel more and more as if Elvis has left the building and there are fewer and fewer people around who remember him. Most of the time I'm a happy, positive, contented and forward-looking individual, but occasionally it hits me how much I miss him. And I can't help feeling sad.
no more strain
now I'm sane but ...
I would rather be gaga...
People keep saying how adorable Eleven is. I wish I could see it, but I just don't. He doesn't do a thing for me. The only time I ever really liked him was in The Big Bang when he was saying goodbye to little Amy. I don't know it it's the writing, or what - I think it's just MS doesn't appeal to me.
I have tried very hard not to be a Tennant fangirl (I'm 52 for heaven's sake!). I know that time is over and nothing will bring it back, but for the last week or two I have been missing him as the Doctor quite overwhelmingly. Although I think he's very talented and I do enjoy seeing him in other things, I think it's Ten rather than DT himself that fascinates me. My fanfiction career was entirely focussed on him - I just seemed to get him without really trying and never found it any effort to write from his POV, even though I've often heard other writers, professional and amateur, claim that you can never get inside the Doctor's head. Get inside? I climbed in and made myself at home there for four years.
It wasn't always a pleasant sensation. After some episodes - FoB and JE in particular, I was so emotionally drained I felt like taking to my bed for days on end. I was very embarrassed by this and it made my family rather fed up with me but I seemed to be incapable of controlling it at the time. I expected it to be a relief not to be so emotionally involved with DW and I can't imagine ever feeling the same about any other show. I'm probably a better person now that I'm not. And yet I miss it terribly. It's very like recalling a love affair that completely messed with your head.
In fact, I've come to the conclusion that what's really happened is that I've returned to the status quo pre 2005 where DW was concerned - I wasn't that bothered about it. (I say 2005 because I get on board about halfway through CE's tenure, and funnily enough I thought I wasn't going to like Ten for a while). But when I first saw The Satan Pit I cried - the bit where he said "I believe in her!" and later when they were reunited in the TARDIS. I didn't even like Rose all that much, but I loved her for making the Doctor so happy. And when Donna showed up, I loved her even more.
I think a lot of my fic was meta in disguise. It was a way of saying, "What if they'd done it that way?" Or sometimes just little sketches broadening out a character. I've never felt the slightest desire to write anything on Eleven, Amy and Rory - there's just nothing that snags at me, catches my interest. And as for 10.5 and Rose, it's very nice to think they're out there somewhere, but it's like an old school friend who moved away, and you said you'd stay in touch but you didn't really, and they grow a little smaller with every passing year.
Yeah, I know everything has its time and everything dies. I've given the new team a fair chance - 17 episodes including the Xmas Special, and it's still a fun show to watch with my kids and their friends, and I love the meta on it, but I feel more and more as if Elvis has left the building and there are fewer and fewer people around who remember him. Most of the time I'm a happy, positive, contented and forward-looking individual, but occasionally it hits me how much I miss him. And I can't help feeling sad.
