Things sent to try us
Apr. 25th, 2008 10:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sensiblecatWe have lost our internet access and it doesn't look as if it's going to be back for a while. Hardly surprising since we have a gang of builders in the house knocking the place apart, power going off, all kinds of dust and disruption. Strangely, the phone is working fine but so far, no broadband.
Which is even more of a pain than normal because we have no telly either. Fortunately (I'm trying to be positive) if there is one S4 episode I could live with missing, it's probably the one coming up. The worst thing is the kids are so under-occupied and grumpy. No telly and no iPlayer either.
But, to attempt to keep things in proportion for once, my real worry is my son, who seems to be going down with one bug after another. He's very low, very depressed and barely able to drag himself out of bed. Hasn't had a full week in school for a while, and that's bad because he has AS Levels coming up in a matter of weeks.
Nobody is quite sure what's wrong with him. He gets eczema and asthma, which is of course aggravated by the situation in the house at the moment. I also think he has some serious issues with not wanting to grow up (he's always been a little behind his peers) and feels under enormous pressure to be the person he thinks we want him to be. And he may have a point. Until I stopped to think about it I hadn't realised how much of my love for him is conditional on him not letting us down academically. It had sort of crept up on me and I feel bad about that. But finding the happy medium between showing unconditional support while he's going through it and not letting him walk all over you is a tricky business with a 17 year old boy.
I had the most distressing dream last night. It concerned my job, the one part of my life where I feel confident and successful. I dreamt that I had enemies at work I'd been unaware of, in fact I'd trusted them and regarded them as friends, but all the time they were gathering data against me and finally they managed to catch me out in an unguarded remark and get me fired on a trumped-up charge of racism. My husband said he heard clear snatches of dialogue and when I woke up I was pretty upset. It's the only dream I've ever had that frightened me. It seemed so clear and logical.
I've no idea what it all means, except that I was writing about an OT3 situation that demanded trust just before I settled down. Maybe the theme was a little too close to the bone.
It's a difficult week, but it will all be worth it in the end. Anyway, I'm in a cafe right now, and it looks like I may not be around as much as usual for a while. Sorry about that.
Which is even more of a pain than normal because we have no telly either. Fortunately (I'm trying to be positive) if there is one S4 episode I could live with missing, it's probably the one coming up. The worst thing is the kids are so under-occupied and grumpy. No telly and no iPlayer either.
But, to attempt to keep things in proportion for once, my real worry is my son, who seems to be going down with one bug after another. He's very low, very depressed and barely able to drag himself out of bed. Hasn't had a full week in school for a while, and that's bad because he has AS Levels coming up in a matter of weeks.
Nobody is quite sure what's wrong with him. He gets eczema and asthma, which is of course aggravated by the situation in the house at the moment. I also think he has some serious issues with not wanting to grow up (he's always been a little behind his peers) and feels under enormous pressure to be the person he thinks we want him to be. And he may have a point. Until I stopped to think about it I hadn't realised how much of my love for him is conditional on him not letting us down academically. It had sort of crept up on me and I feel bad about that. But finding the happy medium between showing unconditional support while he's going through it and not letting him walk all over you is a tricky business with a 17 year old boy.
I had the most distressing dream last night. It concerned my job, the one part of my life where I feel confident and successful. I dreamt that I had enemies at work I'd been unaware of, in fact I'd trusted them and regarded them as friends, but all the time they were gathering data against me and finally they managed to catch me out in an unguarded remark and get me fired on a trumped-up charge of racism. My husband said he heard clear snatches of dialogue and when I woke up I was pretty upset. It's the only dream I've ever had that frightened me. It seemed so clear and logical.
I've no idea what it all means, except that I was writing about an OT3 situation that demanded trust just before I settled down. Maybe the theme was a little too close to the bone.
It's a difficult week, but it will all be worth it in the end. Anyway, I'm in a cafe right now, and it looks like I may not be around as much as usual for a while. Sorry about that.
